I had lunch today at one of my favorite places, Jorgensens, (Jorgs for short,) with two of my favorite people. We talked about many things. But one thing we talked about, was how we were parented and how we parent. Sooooo interesting. One of us was telling about how she was disciplined when she had done something wrong and even when she hadn't.
I told them about how we disciplined our peeps when they were little. I realized, like my parents, that I have done what is typical of most. The older ones, or first borns, get more asked of them. More expected of them. My parents did it. Blue Eyes and I did and still do it. Much to the criticism of the three older siblings of said fourth child, and only girl, namely, Katelyn. (Insert smile here)
I remember when I was an adult with two of my own children my mother use to introduce me to people as "her baby". No, I didn't like it and wished she would stop. After all, I was an adult, (or I was trying to be), married with two children. But in her heart, being the youngest of seven, I was her baby. Now I get it. I would often hear growing up from my older siblings that , "You get away with soooo much"... Something I often hear my boys tell their sister. She of course is my, Sweet Baby Girl.
And you know, their right. She does "get away" with more then they did. But I have grown to understand like they themselves will do some day, when they are on the end of their parenting experience... You live, and learn, and do better when you know better. My parents did it. Blue Eyes and I are doing it. They will too.
When our oldest brother died a few years ago now, people who loved him, and knew him, spoke at his funeral. He was 15 years older then me, and I really didn't know I had a brother Ron, until he was serving his country over in Vietnam when he was just 18. I realized on the day of his funeral, that He and our oldest sister, (she was the next in birth line), that they were the perfect combination of my parents. (Thats them, Ron and Paula to the very left of the above picture. I was yet to be born.) They were the results of my parents trying so hard to, "be good parents". The results of my parents when they were so young, had more energy, with ideals and expectations of their oldest children.
I remember when I was a teenager having the typical troubles with my mother that all teenage girls have with their mums, ( or at least in my view). I went down to my grandmothers house to, what she would call "bellyaching" about how my mother didn't understand me, didn't know me, wouldn't let me... yada, yada, yada... My grandmother in all her wisdom, said these few words that have always stayed with me...
"You are so much like your mother at this age"
Well at the moment, I didn't like my grandmother too much for saying that to me. But in the years to follow, and now, I treasure her insight and am glad for the connection that was so obvious to her.
I find myself parenting Katelyn differently in some ways then I did the boys. I'm not so uptight and serious. I know I only have a very short amount of time left with her here in our home before she will spread her beautiful wings and fly right the heck out of here. I try to be more reasonable. Listen to her more. Choose carefully what is really important to keep her character and let go of what is unnecessary. Let go of, what I am concerned "other people might think. " I am more concerned now, (with my fourth child), about our relationship, and where it will be when she does leave our home.
I'm still her mom first. But we are starting down the road to friendship, and I can say it is a good thing. She is a sweet, kind hearted, fun, creative, responsible, young lady. She has insight, and wisdom beyond her fifteen years. Her friends are such good kids. They have good clean fun, and know their boundaries. They keep each other safe, and respect their parents. And her BF... well, we couldn't have asked God for someone more suited for her. He is her best friend, and the sweet love that they have for one another is precious. Her heart is with him, and his with her. It is a sweet thing to see, and I feel privileged to be able to be on the outside looking in at how they are growing together.
If my mom were alive, she would soooo enjoy Katelyn Mary. (Mary was my mothers first name). I want to be in her life. And more then that, I want her to want me in her life. I am realizing that I don't need to compromise who I am as her parent, to do that. And I am grateful.
Hugs From My Heart
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Serenity Now . Great blog and one I frequent.
