My Life... A Disney Show

I haven't written on my blog for so very long, I've almost forgotten I had one.  If anyone is familiar with Tumblr, (http://livinginhisgratefulness.tumblr.com) that is what has kept me busy as of late. 

So I've been spending time with some "girls" I went to High School with.  We've been crafting, laughing, eating, and laughing some more.  One of them said something to me that got me thinking.

She said, "Lisa, I read your posts on Face Book daily, and it seems like your life is a Disney Show. "

To that, I cringed and said,  "Seriously!!! Your not the first person to say that, and its SOOO not true. Not even a little bit."

When I asked her to explain to me what she meant, she said that it wasn't so much that my life seemed "perfect" but that I am grateful for everything.  And you know what, she's right.  I got to thinking about my life.  What it looks like to others.  Face Book others.  "Friends"  And I thought, if they only knew...

This is some of what my "Disney Show" life, consists of ...

-adultery
-holding hands with my sisters and brothers around our mothers hospital bed, praying... as she passed from this world to the next.
-the death of my oldest brother
-alcoholism
-molestation of a child
-a runaway teen
-no electricity for a summer
-a mother in law who has disowned me
-repossession of a vehicle
-spending the night in my vehicle, in a parking lot
-rebellious, disrespectful teenagers
-fore-closer on our house that Blue Eyes built for me, and our daughter was born in.
-our oldest son going to war
-my first and so far only daughter in law, not talking or wanting anything to do with me. 

And thats just off the top of my head.

I'm not sharing any of this because I want sympathy. Nor do I want to air all of our "dirty laundry".  I know everyone of you reading this could make your own list.  Some, more painful, and longer then mine.  I write this to tell you that I'm no different then any of you.

It's life.

I've lived it.

I'm still living it.

It's not a Disney Show.

I do however have a grateful spirit.  This, is a gift.  Something that was given to me by my parents.  Something they instilled in my siblings and I it seems, with every breath we took. To always know that things could be worse.  Whenever we had a bad attitude and started complaining, my mom would always say,
"Go to your room, close the door, and don't come out until you have a smile on your face!"

(If you scroll back up to the photos above, you'll notice me.  The one with the stupidly huge smile. :) I  had losts of practice growing up.)

 (Remember, my mom is the one with the hot red lips. My dad, in the white shirt holding the cigarette,       hugging my uncle. My six sibs are all present and accounted for. Me, not born yet.)

God has showed his faithfulness every minute, of every hour, of every day.  Not once has He left my side.  Not once has He abandoned me.  He's held me up at times when I thought I couldn't even breathe.

He has brought Blue Eyes and I through things I never would have dreamed we would go through.  Things that I thought were too hard, too hurtful, too long, and just plain stupid.

But God is who He says He is.

God.

The same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  And if you and I are the same, just different lives... then God is there not just for me, but for you.  Yup, you.  All you need to do is call his name.  In the quietness of your heart.  Or screaming it from the roof top.  Where ever you are.

Just you and Him.

Now for another list.  Things I am so grateful for... You knew this was coming didn't you.  :)

-The deep love God has put in mine and Blue Eyes hearts for each other. It has endured and  grown deeper over the 28 years of marriage.

-God has a way of healing the broken hearten.  No matter how deep the wound. 

- God always provides what we need.  Always.

-Our oldest son, is safely home.

-God has it all under control... and I'm so glad because I certainly don't.  ;)

That grateful spirit my mom and dad gave to us... I  can only hope and pray I have given that gift to them. Their grandchildren.  

Because this girl couldn't be more grateful for all God has given her.

Hugs From My Heart

Friday Thoughts...

I'm just thinkin...

It's been a good week.

This post is random.

Kind of a summary of my week.

Straight from my heart/head.

Here goes...

1. I miss my first born son.  Alot.
2. Our "kids" will always be "our kids" no matter how old we get, or they get.
3. I am so in love with Blue Eyes, and He with me... it is intoxicating.  No, really.  
4. Our "kids" are growing up, and out, so fast... it makes my mothers heart stop.  
5. God, is always, yes, always in there. ALWAYS.
6. Blue Eyes and I... we did a good job as parents.  
7. The prayers for our "children" that I have prayed for years and years... God HAS heard, and is honoring. 
8. I miss my mom, and it's good.  She is with me, always.  
9. I have sisters & brothers that love me more than I could have ever thought I could be loved.  I am one blessed girl.
10. God has filled my life with so much love... how grateful a girl am I.  So grateful. So very grateful.

Hugs, Big Girlfriend Hugs, Straight From My Heart...  :)

It's Friday...

The Italians have a saying:

“il dolce far niente.”

Translated, it means, “the sweetness of doing nothing.”

The Italians have mastered this. We need to adopt it into our lives.

Hugs From My Heart

It's Saturday... and I Have Another Awesome Tutorial For You

I don't know if it's getting close to Christmas, (I know I know, we haven't even had Thanksgiving yet.), but I can't stop finding all of these terrific tutorials to share.

Meg, over at Brassy Apple,  has one of the coolest tutorials for a popular item I've seen and wanted to purchase (but didn't because it was way too expensive), at my favorite store, T.J.Maxx. 

The end results are just adorable, and affordable.  What a great Christmas gift.  To myself I mean.  :)

Actually, they are so nice, they really would make nice gifts.  Click on over to Brassy Apple and see for yourself. 

Hugs From My Heart

Friday ... Tutorial

I sure do love me some purdy mercury glass...

Especially around the holidays, there is nothing better.  Anna, over at Take The Side Street has a simple, cost effective tutorial that I am so going to do.

Her results are amazing...

Click on over to her blog,  Take The Side Street, and see for yourself.

Enjoy...

Hugs From My Heart

Saturday...

 

Things I Love About Fall...

1. Beef Stew in the crock pot
2. Hot apple cider
3. Crisp Maine air when you go for a walk with your dog 
4. Boots
5. Scarves
6. Hot Water Bottles.  ( My Mom Called Them, A Poor Mans Electric Blanket) :)
7. Good books to read all cozy on the chair with a warm blanket
8. Coffee with friends
9. Candles that smell like pumpkins
10. Sweaters

Hope Your Enjoying Your Fall As Much As I Am.

Hugs From My Heart

Hugs From My Heart

Friday...

Did you ever get going in one direction...

get your heart, mind, and compass going where you think God has you going...

only to realize things have changed,  and are not the way you thought they were?

 Well thats whats been going on around here lately.   It's good.  Really.

It just reminds me of how good God knows us.  Even more, than we know ourselves.  One of the things Blue Eyes has always told me he loves about me, is that I think ahead.  See the big picture.

Katie (our 16 year old daughter),calls it over thinking.

Both Blue Eyes and Katie know me well.  And they're right.  I do think things through, but I also can tend to OVER think.  Which I know causes me to NOT live in the moment.  Not enjoy what God has given me right here and now.

It's 5 a.m., and I've been up since 3.  No rhyme or reason too it.

Some things I'm sure of...

1. Cutting your hair short at 46 is a good thing.
2. 3a.m. is the quietest time of day.
3. Even though it's only 3 in the morning, my daughters cat still thinks I should feed it. And I do.
4. Being in Maine in Autumn, is like a little slice of heaven. 
5. God has my back.  Even when the compass for our lives is changing, and all we can do is follow. 

Hugs From My Heart

My Eyes, Their Playing Tricks On Me...

Or maybe, it's my mothers heart.

I could have sworn I saw my third born, my baby boy this morning.

That's him, on the far left, with his two older brothers.  Everytime I see this photo, my heart skips a beat, and my eyes fill with tears.  He, was all of 2.

I was on my way to one of my favorite coffee spots, (I was out of coffee at home), and there he was.

Walking to work in all of his 19 years.  Taking care of his life.  Figuring out where it's going, how he's going to get there.

His hair is no longer blond as the sun.  He doesn't spend his mornings out in the field by our house, where I could and did, stand in the window and watch him patiently look for, and catch, butterfly after butterfly with his favorite net.

He is a man now.  Even though in my mothers heart, he is still my baby boy.  The one who would come at any given moment of the day and hug on my waist, look up at me with his hazel eyes and say...

"I love you mom."

I am so grateful for the time I had at home with our children.  There are times like today, when I wish we could all go back, even for just a week.  To when they were little pumpkins, all home.  Under one roof.  In a time where I could close my eyes at night, know how blessed I was, and thank God for peacefully sleeping children just below me.

God is good.  So good.

I texted  my Baby Boy when I reached the coffee shop this morning.  Reminded him that his mom loves him, and that in my heart, even though he is a man now, he will always be my Baby Boy.

He, didn't reply.  But thats alright.

I know that I know, that I know... that that 19 year old, third born son of mine, now a man, knows, how very much his mother loves him.

And someplace, in the deepest part of HIS heart, where no one else goes...

He, is still my baby boy too.

And that is enough for me.  :)

Hugs From My Heart

I'm Here

Hey friends... I'm still here.  I haven't really gone anywhere, and things are relatively the same.  I just haven't had much to say.  Strange. I know.

Now that summer is pretty much over, I am looking back a bit, and forward some, but very little, to fall.  I can say one thing with certainty, our lives are changing, and I am glad.  Glad for change is something I never thought I would be able to say.  But I really am.

I spent the summer being purposeful .  I had decided on a few things, and really worked at them.

Slowing down.

Simplifying.

Being still.

Spending time with those I love deeply.

Taking "One Day At A Time", and no more.

Figuring out what I enjoy doing, and actually DOING IT!  :)

Times like these in my life, always draw me closer to God.  I wish I could say that He, is always my starting point, but by my own admission, as much as I know He should be, I don't always go to Him first.

I often try to "fix" things on my own first, and then, because those "fixes" are only temporary, I end up on my face.  Some people have scar marks from teenage acne.  I have scuff marks from landing on my face time and time again.  I'm good with it though.  :)

Fall is upon us here in Maine.  It's my favorite time of year.  It's a perfect time to let God do a good house cleaning.  A good time to let Him show you a new path.  A good time to know that He is always, always, always, your Heavenly Father.  He has a plan and purpose for your life, even if you are 46, married 27 years, 4 kids later.

I'm excited, joyful, and mostly, peaceful.

Hugs From My Heart

Hugs From My Heart

Hugs From My Heart

Sunday Thoughts...

         It's Sunday and I'm just thinking, I'd like too...

1. Pack a bag and go on road trips with Katie.
2. Meet new people.
3. Read more books
4. Take more photos on said trips.  :)
5. Skinny dip one more time before winter hits.  
6. Eat in diners where everyone knows everyone, and the coffee isn't flavored.

Hugs From My Heart

Just holding on to the last chapters of this book... it is so good, I don't want it to end.

HOW TO BAKE A PERFECT LIFE

An unforgettable novel that celebrates food, family, and the unbreakable bonds between mothers and daughters.

In a story as warm and embracing as a family kitchen, Barbara O’Neal explores the poignant, sometimes complex relationship between mothers and daughters—and the healing magic of homemade bread.

“Envelopes you like the scent of warm bread, comforting and invigorating, full of love and forgiveness and possibility.”—Erica Bauermeister, bestselling author of The School of Essential Ingredients

Hugs From My Heart

Hugs From My Heart

If I Have To Be In The Corner... I Might As Well Look Good Standing There

Over the weekend, here in Maine, we had a hurricane of sorts. Actually, by the time it got here, it was downsized to a tropical storm.  Downed trees.  Damaged cars, houses, and the like.

I however was a hurricane in and of my own self.

I did it.

I screwed up.

I over stepped my boundaries as a mom with one of our boys, and put my nose into his 19 year old business...

I downed a branch on one of  my most valuable trees... The tree I call  " My Baby Boy."

My mothers heart was saddened, when I saw the damage that my hurricane did.  To know I ripped at my precious tree.  The damage was visible, for all to see.

Especially me.

He of course was upset.  Understandable.  Reasonable.

Did I mention he doesn't even live with us anymore.  Well he doesn't. Which makes my intruding even uglier.

I have since, apologized.

It's not the end of the world, and all is well enough... but I was reminded of a thing or two.  Or three. Wait. Maybe four.

1. Blue Eyes and I have raised our boys to be strong, intelligent, capable young men.  They have within them whatever is needed to handle every situation life brings.  
2. I can not fix their life, even if I think I have the answers. It's just not my business.  That simple. 
3. Their life is between them and God.  
4. I need to respect them enough to learn to listen more and NOT react.  

I'm grateful that God has a way of showing me what I do wrong.

I'm even more grateful to have "kids"  who know their mothers heart and go gentle on me, when I do over-step and screw up.

I'm not one to live in guilt girls.  Just never have been.  I do try to learn from my mistakes, and go forward.  Sometimes the same mistake is made more then once... but I keep trying.

It's a new day.  The storm has passed.  In our state, and in me.  This mothering thing... 

Yeah, they never reach an age, where I stop needing God.     :)

Hugs From My Heart

Reassurance...